eatmorepizza's Diaryland Diary

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culture shock

When considering the culture shock of coming back to LA after a month in Qatar, I didn't think my confidence would be a factor.

In a foreign country, I was writing worlds, creating character, hanging out in the hot tub, watching movies... all I had to concern myself with was the job, and it was great.

Being back means facing reality. The reality of having to go back and work at a restaurant. I'm closer to never having to work there again... it's so close I can taste a life without waiting, but I'm not quite there.

Being back means I'm farther away from love. What is it with me and getting involved with women I will days later be at a distance from? My last two girlfriends were long distance. I went out with someone a night before I left, and began something with an actress just days before heading back to the states... and she remains in that desert, shooting the show you wrote, for three more months.

I know, if it's 'meant to be' she'll come back and there will be something.

I just don't know that I believe in meant to be's anymore. As if there's meaning to any of this chaos. A family friend died a week ago. 96. He and his wife were married 72 years.

I hate how much I let love possess me. I know I'll never truly be happy in a relationship until I can learn to control this about me. I just don't know how to do it.

How do you do it?

3:23 PM - March 04, 2017

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