So as it would turn out, the reason I couldn't sleep and was having mild rage at the world in my last post was to due to the fact that for the first time in my life I experienced a panic attack. It was complete hell.

They now want to put me on some medication because I've had increased anxiety recently. Most likely to due with my overload of work, my friends recent suicide, and the fact that I have no secure future. No big deal.

I am hesitant to take any form of medication. I don't want it to tweak my mental creativity or spirit whatsoever. I need my mind, even if it drives me crazy every once in a while.

Lets hope things don't get worse, otherwise I might not have an option but to start popping pills.

God, it seems like cheating. When it was first brought up the thought of taking medication I just thought back to when they didn't have such things, they didn't get an easy way out of it.

I also wonder if my suffering from the anxiety would be fuel for something, and even though it is somewhat masochistic, I wouldn't want to take something away that would drive me to write better and more.

Only time will tell.

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